Pitching a Superman movie

So I have been extremely critical of both Man of Steel and Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.  And it's easy to criticize.  So I figure it's time to put my money where my mouth is, and pitch how I'd structure a Superman movie.


Prologue
To begin with, we adapt these panels into a quick, five minute or less beginning.  It's a perfect and concise origin tale, and it there's one thing we don't need, it's another Superman origin.  People on uncharted islands in the Pacific know Superman's origin by now.

You follow that up with a few more panels.  A very young Clark displaying his super-strength, maybe Clark along with Ma and Pa in some kind of protest march (demonstrating his committment to justice and what's right being ingrained), and then Clark running through a corn field, before leaping into the air...

Which cuts to Superman saving a plane from crashing, where we get our first look at Lois.  We fade into a series of spinning newspapers.  "Superman saves space-plane!"  "Superman defeats Lex Luthor!"  "Superman triumphs over Toyman!"  "Superman and Batman defeat Luthor-Joker team!"  "Justice League Saves World!" "Superman Saves Kitten From Tree"--Make sure to alternate bylines by Lois and Clark, and photos by Jimmy.

Roll Title

Act 1
 
We begin with Clark Kent being puzzled.  There's been a rash of technology thefts going on in Metropolis, but every time Superman has tried to investigate, another, bigger emergency has called Superman away.  As he talks about this with Lois and Jimmy, Clark begins to suspect someone is plotting something much more sinister.  But it's Lois who points out that the only place the thieves haven't yet hit is STAR Labs.  Fortunately, Lois has an in there with Dr. Emil Hamilton, whom she'd interviewed previously.  Maybe he even knows what you could do with all that theft.  She's about to ask Clark if he wants to go to, but when she turns around to ask, Clark is gone.

And that's because a giant robot is stomping through downtown Metropolis.  And here we demonstrate that this is a Superman of restraint.  He doesn't go full out.  He works to restrain and contain.  And when that doesn't work, he acts quickly, and decisively, but at the end of the day, no one's hurt.  But he recognizes the insignia on the robot.  Luthor.  But Luthor is currently imprisoned...

Meanwhile, Lois and Jimmy are interviewing Dr. Hamilton.  It looks like the thefts could be used to create a powerful space bridge device, bridging light years like we walk across the room.  But they'd need a power source for that, and...

STAR Labs comes under attack from skull-headed drones.  Here, we get to see Lois's courage as she tries taking on one of them that gets too close, even succeeding in damaging it a little.  Jimmy, meanwhile, activates his signal watch.  But by the time Superman arrives, the drones have already gotten away with the power source.  But the one Lois damaged has been left behind.  Superman and Hamilton study it...  the robot is of alien origin.

Act 2

Superman is at a loss to explain the drone's alien origin.  It looks like nothing he's ever seen before.  As Superman, he can't do much about it, but as Clark Kent...

Clark Kent can request an interview with Lex Luthor.  One of his robots attacked the city the same day as the drones robbed STAR Labs.  Maybe he'd let something slip if his vanity was sopped enough.  Always eager to prove himself smarter than everyone, Lex grants the interview, but he doesn't know anything--it looks like his robot was infected by some kind of alien computer virus, the code a million times more advanced than anything Earth has ever seen.  It'd take him hours to fully decipher it.

Hours the city of Metropolis does not have.  More drones spill forth into the city, climbing the Daily Planet building and assembling something on top of the Planet on the roof.  Unable to properly slip away, Clark can only watch the television broadcasts as the drone assemble a giant transport relay... bringing a gigantic skull-ship into the skies above Metropolis. 

Brainiac has arrived.  Metropolis is to prepare for collection, and Superman is to surrender himself personally.  (And I'm thinking Super Powers style robo-skull Brainiac here). 

When Superman confronts Brainiac, he is unprepared for the alien to have countermeasures specifically for him.  Brainiac has spent too much time studying the Bottle City of Kandor not to know exactly how to deal with a Kryptonian.

Superman's first battle with Brainiac is unsuccessful, eventually sending him tumbling from his ship, crashing into the city below.  A force

Meanwhile, in prison, Luthor is ready to make a deal.  He's already devised a virus that will cripple Brainiac.  But he'll have to deliver it personally.  And he'll need Superman's help to do it.

Act 3

More and more of Metropolis is being sucked into Brainiac's ship.  Luthor is suiting up in his green and purple power armor.  And Superman is meeting with Lois.

She's worried he might not come back from this one.  Luthor, Metallo the Silver Banshee, Bizarro, none of the foes he's faced have ever been this powerful.  She can't bear the thought of a world without him...

They kiss.  And when they break, recognition dawns in her eyes.  She knows he's Clark.  But she wonders why he never told her.  He's not so sure of the answer himself.  But now he has to come back, so they can talk about it.  But for now, he's got to make a deal with the devil.

Luthor and Superman assault Brainiac's ship, breaking through.  Superman keeps Brainiac busy in a physical confrontation, but with the presence of countless Bottle Cities, Superman is wary of cutting loose with his full power. Luthor is able to upload the virus.  Luthor gloats that not only has he won, but that he's taken control of the ship and Brainiac for himself.  He gives Brainiac a command to cease his attack on Metropolis...

And Brainiac says no.  However smart Luthor is, he's not as smart as Brainiac.  But he wouldn't mind taking Luthor's knowledge for himself anyway.  He is still rather smart, for a human...

Bruised and beaten, Superman is on his last legs. Until he starts listening.  The Bottle Cities are screaming, in a thousand alien languages he can't understand.  And one he does.  Kryptonian.  While Brainiac has been studying the Bottle Cities, they've been studying him.  And they know how to beat him.  Using a super-precise beam of heat vision, Superman deactivates Brainiac's computer core. 

As the ship begins to fall, with countless Bottle Cities, Luthor, and Metropolis at risk, Superman gives his all to direct the falling ship into the ocean.

Later, Clark tells Lois that the Justice League will rehome the Bottle Cities that they can, but that as much as he searched, he couldn't find Brainiac in the wreckage.  And Luthor is currently catatonic.

And Lois tells him she didn't want this to turn into an interview, this was supposed to be a date...

But his super-hearing picks up a call for help.  It's a never-ending battle.  It's a job... for Superman!

Stinger

In the prison hospital, Luthor's eyes snap open... glowing just like Brainiac's.

The Emperor Has No Clothes

Once upon a time, Stan Lee, with a host of other extraordinarily talented creators, saw the silliness of the existing comic market and, on advice from his wife, decided to create the kinds of comics he wanted to read.  And so was born Marvel Comics.  The “world outside your window.”  Rather than being set in fantastical locations like Metropolis or Gotham City, the Marvel Universe took place in largely in New York City, and its heroes acted like real people.  And the public reacted to the heroes like the public in our universe reacts to celebrities, willing to adore, willing to believe the worst.  It was a very different thing from what had come before, a very different way of looking at things.

It was a revolutionary, new way of looking at and producing comics.  It took a more “realistic” look at a super-hero universe.  But at the same time, it remained fundamentally a comic book universe, defined by its fantastic aspects.

And then, somewhere along the line, various writers decided to take an even closer and “realistic” look at how such a universe might work.  At that’s where we got things like Civil War or Identity Crisis.  Someone looks at something in a comic book universe and says “What would be the real world ramifications of this?”

This is not necessarily a bad thing.  One of the most intelligent and thoughtful comics of all time, Damage Control, by the late and great Dwayne McDuffie, came about because he had thought about the many, many super-hero battles that took place in the NYC of Marvel and the damage they must have caused… that never stuck around for long.  So he invented Damage Control to explain it.  But the key difference here is that he applied comic book logic to it.  Rather than figure out how it would work in the real world, he figured out how it would work in a comic book universe.

And that leads us to the problem.  Or, at I like to put it, the “Emperor Has No Clothes.”  Let’s look, briefly, at Civil War.   Civil War (much like Acts of Vengeance had a good decade prior) posited the idea that, in the real world, we would want super-heroes to be government controlled and regulated, to know exactly who was behind each and every mask, because the idea of allowing every Peter, Steve, and Luke to run around fighting crime without any kind of oversight at all was ludicrous.  To which I say, “Well, duh.”

But the problem is, with any established universe, you establish a certain kind of inertia, a certain set of rules.  And when you pull on that thread, the real world view begins to clash with the narrative inertia, and it does so badly.  Yes, in the real world, we’d want all super-powered individuals to be registered and tracked.  But here’s the thing.  You cannot expect readers to take such a view seriously when you’ve had sixty plus years of super-heroes running around willy-nilly doing as they please.  You just can’t.  It’s illogical, it’s a sudden swerve into a wall.  Because once you make that swerve, you can never fully put that genie back into the bottle.  Unless you flat out reboot, it will always be something that you’ve done, always something there in the background that colors everything going forward.  

Or consider the similar narrative of the X-Men.  It’s insanely hard to argue against the regulation of mutants and super-powers when an individual’s mutation can make them more dangerous than the entire US army.  Or even when a given mutant could take out a city block because somebody snuck up behind them and went boo, and they lost control of their exploding power.  But the inherent metaphor of the X-Men has always been one of tolerance and minority representation.  Attempting to realize or think too deeply about just how dangerous mutants could be destroys the metaphor.

To prove I’m not just picking on Marvel, let’s take a DC example.  Superman.  Time and time again, Superman writers feel the need to trot out the narrative thread that the US government (or at least, certain highly placed individuals within it) deeply distrusts Superman or otherwise fears that he’ll go rogue and try to make himself emperor of the Earth (complete with rocking pope hat.)  And yes, from a real world perspective, as Man of Steel and its follow ups try to tell us, the idea of an omnipowerful alien being would be really freaking scary.  

Except, again, it goes against the grain of more than seventy years of Superman as a benevolent protector and all around fantastic example of a person.  The fans all know what kind of person Superman is, and have all those years of narrative weight behind them.  You can only fight narrative expectations so much (See putting Cap on one side during Civil War and expecting the other side to have anyone supporting it).

Again, this kind of approach can work for a single story.  But the trick with that is to ultimately show that the person espousing the ideas is wrong, if not just flat out nuts.  Because that’s the only acceptable answer within the narrative you’ve created.  Otherwise, it just stands out all the more for how badly it clashes.

And once you’ve exposed one hole in how your universe is constructed, the others only become more and more obvious.  Your suspension of disbelief begins to fall further and further apart, and it becomes that much harder to take anything in the universe seriously.

Because unless you’re working on your own creator-owned project, at the end of the day, there’s two things you always need to keep in mind.  1) The universe has to be able to continue to go on without radical reinvention, and 2) eventually, someone else has to follow up whatever you’ve done.  Too many writers forget both of these things, and it’s lead to the rather nebulous and somewhat downtrodden state of the industry today.

You can introduce reality into your fictional universe… but only so much.  Because those cracks are damn hard to reseal, even with really good Spackle.

Diluting the Avengers

One of the complaints with the Avengers line of books these days is that they’re letting anybody be an Avenger.  And when you’ve reached the point where you have Shang-Chi, Sunspot and Cannonball, White Tiger, some Nuhuman named Synapse, Rogue, or even Cable and Deadpool joining the team, you wonder if they might have a point.

Once upon a time, when the Avengers were first formed, it was with those characters who had their own features: Thor, Ant Man and the Wasp, Iron Man, and the Hulk.  Or rather, it was those characters whom Jack Kirby had had a hand in creating (hence why Spider-Man and Doctor Strange were absent).  This held when they added Captain America a short time later. 

But then came a day unlike any other.  Stan decided to remove Thor, Tony, Hank, and Jan from the book, having already removed the Hulk in issue two.  And who did he get to replace them?  Daredevil, Spider-Man, and Doctor Strange, perhaps, the other characters with their own books? 

No.  Instead, Stan brought in three former super-villains.  Hawkeye, who had plagued Iron Man alongside the Black Widow, and Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch from the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  Even with Captain America, this group was notably lacking in both star power and physical power.  And to his credit, this was made into a plot point.  Wanda worried about them living up to the team’s legacy.  Hawkeye mocked Captain America as being the team’s weak link.  And they even tried for a couple of issues to recruit the Hulk to give them some needed muscle.

Cap’s Kooky Quartet was relatively short lived.  In less than a year, Hank and Jan returned to the team, and others, such as the Black Panther and Hercules joined not long after.  But the fact remains that in one moment, they had redefined what it means to be an Avenger forever.

In fact, let’s take a look at some other notable (or not so notable) characters who have joined the Avengers…

Dr. Druid: A pre-Marvel character, Druid had poorly defined mystical powers, and a terrible attitude.  He even later betrayed the team.  But twice when brought back to a state of unlife, Druid has proven that his heart was in the right place.

Hellcat: Another pre-Marvel character, but taking the star of an old romance comic, giving her the old costume of a different (and arguably failed) character, and putting her into the big leagues?  Crazy talk.

Gilgamesh, the Forgotten One: An Eternal, and not even one of the main ones. 

Moon Knight: A barely repressed psycho sometimes possessed by an Egyptian moon god, and more at home fighting gangsters and low-level super villains?  Even he complained about the craziness he got up to as an Avenger.  And yet he served the cause all the same.

Spider-Man, Wolverine, Luke Cage, Iron First, Daredevil, Spider-Woman…: Needless to say, the Bendis era brought in a lot of people who had never been Avengers before.  Some of them worked better than others (Luke Cage, Spider-Man), and some of them didn’t work so well (Wolverine—though it did produce some great comedy scenes when Aunt May and MJ were also living in Avengers Tower). 

Sub-Mariner, Sandman, Ares: More out and out super-villains!  Large-scale super-villains!  Invades New York with an army of fishbowl helmet wearing goons level super-villains!  In point of 

fact, the Avengers have been extremely good at taking in former super-villains.

Mantis: A prostitute and barmaid turned martial artist turned Celestial Madonna, and girlfriend of a man who joined the team only to betray it (not to mention Steve Englehart's pet character).  Mantis tried to seduce the Vision, and proved to be a little more capable than she really should have been.  But she's come back to aid the team time and time again.

D-Man: Picked by no less than Captain America himself!

So no, they haven’t tried to change what it means to be an Avenger.  Because almost from Day One, the Avengers have been about two things.   1) An ever-changing roster as the personal and professional drama of its membership dictates, and 2) people stepping up to the plate and becoming an Avenger.  It isn’t like the Justice League, where being in the “Big Leagues” is a requirement in order to be part of the team.

No, being an Avenger means that someone (often Captain America) believes you have what it takes.  It’s a challenge cast: prove that you do.  That’s all.  So you can’t dilute what it means to be an Avenger.  It’s not an elitist club like the League often is.  It’s your shot.

MCU Avengers vs. 616 Avengers

So welcome to the first post of my comic blog.  For those who don't know me, I'm Dylan.  32, and having been reading comics since before I could actually read.  I've read more Silver and Bronze Age stuff than most people in my age group, and my tastes lean in that direction, but I've still got a lot of appreciation for the modern era.

And my thoughts occasionally travel in random directions.  Case in point, "If the MCU Avengers fought their 616 counterparts, who would win?"


Now, this is inherently unfair, because if nothing else, the MCU Avengers are relative rookies, whereas the 616 Avengers have had at least 10-15 years of experience.  I'll occasionally bring that up as a point of discussion.

For the purposes of this, I'll be using the six "main" Avengers from the films, as they've had the most screen time by which to judge--Cap, Tony, Thor, Hulk, Clint, and Tasha.